fear of lack

so far, I had not had a large loss in stock investment until last Thursday, the 6% of drop of Dow in one day. however because the stock market has been extremely irrational since the start of Covid-19, I believe this drop still is not a linear free fall of the economy due to the gloomy outlook – significant drop in GDP and employment rate primarily.

At the beginning of Covid-19, I knew it would be a long way to economic recovery – not months, but years. I tried to figure out a bottom and throw in all i have and leave it there till the full recovery of the economy. However, searching for the bottom has been a frustrating mission. The stock market has been volatile but upward looking in general. Even though I pulled my money out of the market before the downfall, in the middle of everything, I did feel that I have been missing out on the upward trend. I had been in sync with the market and right on pulse with the ups and downs. I made about $35K since the beginning of the year, until last week. Fear started creeping in again – this is a deep fear that has been impacting my life decisions since my daughter was born. I believe that I always need a lot of money to take care of her and myself. I have been working hard and binding by my strict principles. Kept my eyes on the ball too hard that I have missed a lot of essential things in life.

This time, I really want to pivot; therefore, I let the fear in, truly feel it in my mind, my heart, and my body. I noticed, my body was so intense that i was barely breathing, my mind was so full and I couldn’t focus on anything else, and my heart was racing so fast but my body was so still. at the end of the day, I was so exhausted in every way, but still couldn’t rest. I was in a full fight or flight state.

more tests to come in this regard and I’m ready to dive in.